"I don't know when we'll see each other again or what the world will be like when we do. We may both have seen many horrible things. But I will think of you every time I need to be reminded that there is beauty and goodness in the world." 
— Arthur Golden (Memoirs of a Geisha)

THERE IS A FEELING THAT COMES TO US WHEN WE KNOW SOMETHING IS OF BEAUTY AND GOODNESS

ITS UNIQUE, IT COMES NOT BECAUSE WE WILL IT THERE, NOT BECAUSE WE HAD TO TRY REALLY HARD TO MAKE IT THERE BUT BECAUSE IT IS 

NO DOUBT WHEN WE HAVE THAT FEELING IT CAN BE MADE BETTER, STRONGER AND LAST FOREVER

IT IS THAT WAY WITH FAITH, WITH LOVE, WITH KNOWLEDGE AND WITH OUR BEHAVIORS

BUT THAT MOMENT, THE ONE MOMENT YOU KNEW ALL WAS GOOD, RIGHT AND ENCHANTED 

THAT FEELING COMES TO LET US KNOW THAT BEAUTY AND GOODNESS IS THERE, TREASURE IT

JOURNEY OF SEVERAL THOUSAND MILES

what a journey this has been, I have spent a lifetime wondering what my grandparents or the past lived like in Kentucky.   These had to be hard tough people.   Every place had mountains, deep ravines and heavy forests.  To get anywhere must have taken days upon days.   Just going the backroads took hours to travel a hundred miles.   Roads cut into stone that would creep up one side of the mountain and down the other.   In my search one site in particular was important.  The resting place of a Civil War Veteran, my Great Great Grandfather.  After a long day search of several locations and when I was going to give up, there it was still legible after all these years.   I felt a peace when I found this and I was honored to have been there. 

Each Day

Each day I'm glad for the reprieve from your life, but I ache to see you

Each day I relieved of your stress, but I want to carry your problems

Each day I don't want to know your struggles, but I worry about each one

Each day I don't want your touch or smile, but would give anything to see them and hug you

Each day I cannot carry your pain, but I would relieve it

Each day I don't want to feed you, but I would bring you bread

Each day I do not want to cry for you, but I long to cry with you

Each day I hate your dirty clothes, but I gladly want you clean

Each day I say you need to stand on your feet, but I want to help you up

Each day my heart breaks, but the broken pieces are still full of love for you

Each day I dont know where you are, but each day my thoughts are finding you

Each day I was blessed to be your dad, and each day I know that is my treasure

Each day

Repost of old Blog with awesomE pictures

          TREASURE HUNTER--In my treasure hunts today I found this awesome chest, where has it been what has it seen and what has it held.    I love history!!   I follow with a thought I wrote some time ago,  gives you thought.

BAGGAGE

(this is a boring one, you don't have to read it, this one is for me)

SOME TIME AGO I WROTE A POEM OF WHICH I WAS QUITE PROUD, IT WAS ONE OF MY FIRST AND THE JIST OF IT STILL LINGERS WITH ME, (I CANT FIND THE BOOK I  WROTE IT, THIS IS AN ACCURATE REPLAY)

 WE ALL CARRY SOME SORT OF BAGGAGE IN LIFE, IT IS BOUND TO BE THERE AND IT IS TAKEN CARE OF OR LOOKS LIKE

LINUS HIS DUST AND BLANKET, OR WAS THAT PIG PEN?

I, HAVE DECIDED TO KEEP MY BAGGAGE TO A MINIMUM AND TO KEEP IT TIDY AND NEAT, THAT HASN'T ALWAYS BEEN EASY NOR IS IT DONE. CONTINUAL TRYING IS IMPORTANT, THERE COMES A TIME THAT EACH OF US REALIZE WE HAVE A BAG THAT GOT BURIED IN THE BUNCH, A BAG WE DON'T NEED NOR WANT BUT JUST THE SAME THERE IT IS, AND IT JUMPS OUT LIKE A SORE THUMB. THIS PREDICAMENT CAME GLARING TO ME ONE NIGHT, AND BROUGHT THE BAGGAGE OUT AND THE TRAIL OF DIRTY LAUNDRY STRINGING OUT OF IT LIKE A BAG THAT TSA WENT THROUGH!

I REALIZE THAT THIS SITUATION MUST BE DEALT WITH TO CLEAN UP MY LAUNDRY, MY BAGGAGE AND MOVE ON WITH PRIDE. NOW MIND YOU MY BAGGAGE IS NOT GUCCI, NOR IS IT ANY OF THE FANCY STUFF YOU GET AT HIGH DOLLAR SPORTS SHOPS OR DEPARTMENT STORES, I IMAGINE IN THIS PARALLEL WORLD MY BAGGAGE TO BE AMERICAN TOURISTOR, IF NOT A GOOD TAKE OFF SOLD AT WAL-MART.

TO DEAL WITH POOR LUGGAGE THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO HANDLE THIS, DO NOT RECYCLE, DO NOT THRIFT STORE THIS, IT MUST BE EXPOSED, DELOUSED, AND BURNED!   IN OTHER WORDS, FIGURE IT OUT, DECIPHER AND CORRECT AND THEN MOVE ON WITH LIFE. THIS PROCESS CAN TAKE ANYWHERE FROM A SECOND TO ETERNITY TO ACCOMPLISH. AND IT IS ONLY DELAYED BY DISCOURAGEMENT.

First Day of the Rest of Your Life

I was once told, well every day I woke up for 18 years and then for the last 30 each day I saw my dad, that this is the first day of the rest of your life make the best of it.   Ive had a lot of first days, I have a lot that I let slip by, and did not make the best of it.  Mostly I had tons slip by that I did not make it the best for someone else.    Too often the world ends at the end of our fingers.    Worldly pursuits cloud family values, family values become misunderstood as intrinsically connected to worldly pursuits.     There is nothing more important than family.    Somewhere along the way that clouded in many areas.   Family has little to do with the genetic gifts (or deficits) passed on.    Though very important there comes a time when you give or take enough from another person and they are then your family.    The challenges of being a father, dad or even somedays the genetic donor (for lack of worse words) have heart warming and wrenching waves that affect other parts or your world.   Balancing all of that is a nightmare, I see it in the one who told me this is the first day of the rest of your life make the best of it, but thought it would just genetically be passed on.  It is time to keep working on it!!!!!!!!!!!!!    So today is the first day of the rest of my life, The past defines who I am this morning, today will begin to define who I will be tomorrow and dreams will map who I can become. 

FINGER POINTER

years of utter disappointment in myself has resulted in fewer times that i raise my are to the finger pointer position

nearly every time that I judged, pointed the finger or slung mud, I got the same in return or got myself dirty

growing up in a time when the judging upon appearance was acceptable breaking the habit has been a life's challenge

lately the fingers have come out of pockets, i think rampant and quick but reality is i should expect it

when you wake up and look around and all you see are fingers, you instinctively want to deflect the powerful guilt rays coming from them. 

so deflecting the rays, would nearly make me a vicarious finger pointer

Im gonna try to avoid deflecting rays, be honest, take the heat and confidently know the whole story

why the urge to finger point, i know that others lose respect, i know that others need an outlet 

but why do we have the urge?  

the powerful rays are neither seen, felt, and often cannot be contained once shot

they richochet relentlessly, get marred, deformed, bent, twisted and leave a trail of horror every where they go

why the urge?  is it really finger pointing if its true, its not even a rumor if its true ,,,,,right?

but if it neither affects the price of milk, the heating bill, the mental well being of another's child, spouse or sibling why the urge to point out the mistake or crime or --------

really is it possible that those pointing the finger think that where they point the finger , those people are too dumb to realize their actions?

well there it is, i have successfully pointed my finger at the finger pointers,   whew i feel better that must be the urge to feel better about yourself

dumb reason!

Sometimes you struggle claw and climb for that 5 foot. Look ahead and up. There is a hand out waiting for you to grasp on to. Grab it and hold on the climb is easier when someone helps to stabilize you push you and pull you

EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE

Every once in a while you have to 

make decisions you know are for the best

think beyond yourself

roll your sleeves up

and suck your gut in

Every once in a while you get to 

Love

Laugh

Smile

Cry

Hurt

Every once in a while you are

loved

hugged

cheered on

hurt

Making every once in a while count is once in a lifetime

PROCRASTINATING FOOL!!!

Reminded miraculously of the existence of my therapeutic blog one can tell that therapy took a vacation.
4 years of lapsed writing, and cumulative thoughts to fill novels will spew in a few sentences and scattered thoughts.
Taking a journey to the thinking rock, stone or whatever it might be coined, I had rushing thoughts of summing up time,>>>>>>>>cant be done.
Suffice to say that time hasn't waited for me to catch up and it never will. As I reread all of the blogging I knew why I do this.
I quit (I think) when I became a facebooker, duh there is a difference.
Facebook is just that in your face, this is a message in a bottle. If anyone remembers where I am they can read it but for me its not that the message is read, just written.
So lets say that when my heart was touched today which reminded me of this blog it was a whisper to come back to the comfort of my thoughts.
I read and remembered, everything, every feeling, thought, tragic and joyful and time hasn't waited

procrastination of priorities, or re direction?

yes it has been forever since bogging!!! This past time period (almost a year) has been a total re assortment of priorities, and filling life with good things.

the events-----
-met a great chick
-bryce was baptised
-spent lots of time with great kids and thier blossoming lives
-wrecked my truck
-fixed my truck
-wrecked my truck again(or a deer wrecked his life)
-finished the never ending homes of star valley
-finished an associates degree
-saw mexico briefly one day
-found some talents (remember eye of the beholder) I like (writing)
-found some that are not talents but struggles (accounting)
-quasi moved to idaho (too much crap)
and of course
-got married!!!!!

It has been a rather busy year, with partings, meetings and future thoughts. A friend once said " hold on to life cause it is just getting started", financial success and overall big business tycoon thoughts came to mind. Instead findings are that life is just starting, and the soul is harrowed, the mind is enlightened, humility enriched (least desirable journey) and realization of the wake and ripples left along the journey delight and haunt the spirit.

Whether by age or by the urgency of intuition the world climate is constantly in thought. An election, society norms that are ever changing, acceptance of, and temperance to the media, hollywood and daily chatter on the streets and in our towns are all things that churn the inards. Involvement may be a key mitigation tool, or hopefully for at least the immediate family. If we all took it upon ourselves to realize that our involvment at home is the key, it makes changing a world easier. Maybe a dream, but the week produced at least the appearance of this theory---- read on---

As thoughts are lost in how to vote and throw what support is musterable, the recent choice for Vice Presidential candidate proves a theory that has ran the lonesome and sometimes empty hollows of the middle aged mind. Chanting change doesnt do it, providing change by stepping outside of the norm, the accepted and delving into the unchartered territory, (at least as far as politics is concerened) may prove to be the answer.

The last thing we need in Washington is another lifetime politician, by chosen career. It is time that we step beside ourselves, and notice what is wrong with ourselves and fix it. It takes the brutality of honesty, integrity and GRIT. The thought has echoed in the hallway that change will not come from an independant or whatever new and unsupported party may be, but from an accepted peer in the norm (Mc Cain). To walk where no one has walked before. (Palin) {Again as ramblings go much is said to find the end},
here is the point-----------------> a person who recognizes that "we the people" are signers of the paycheck, and then has a background of motherhood, and managing a home has all the grit needed. It is time we recognize that most of the big ideas and stability of society always came from our mother. Guys who truly are honest will recognize and say the simple phrase about thier wife "she was right" bottom line they think better, not something an arrogant man will say in his youth. But even that comes with a footnote and here that is-----------> neither man nor woman can or will reach thier full potential without the other, serving each other as they proceed.


-now after rambling on about all the bugs in the mind, this is a great year
-now is the best time of our life
-hold on , from today forward life is just beginning
-we can become better, and provide hope
-to make what you have and where you are a treasure in this world is a gift, and it is an oppurtunity for all!!!!!!!!!!!

Son in law training camp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

; sleeping on the job

With the intention of keeping a journal, I started blogging----sometimes I have to evaluate my priorities and put back into perspective what is important!!!!!!!! ( you know I say this every time I take a long break)

So much has happened this year since the last entry I don't know where to start or that I will even remember all of what has happened, so I will start slow and I will continue from there.

First and really cool Bryce has come to live with me, this has been really cool having him around, and again I am finding that I have been lucky to have good moms raising the kids cause I am not the most organized parent and sometimes I don't keep on him like i should with homework and such, but we do go hunting and fishing when we shouldn't.

Bryce was baptised this year, he is really learning the things he should and has a desire to know more, it has been fun to be part of.

Next Taylor accomplished something that I found myself so proud of and still a bit envious of he got his Eagle Rank in scouting, he is an EAGLE, I am very proud of him he worked very hard, and so did his parents but only with his desire to excel.

Moving on to older children, Makayla, she graduated, was accepted to BYU, went on to school, met a boy and in December she married him, of course not without my strenuous and rigorous son in law training and qualification course. I have however renamed them in my own empirical naming rules to Kyle and Makayla Archibald, however for some reason on the Sealing Certificate and the Marriage License the had it written as Kyle and Makayla Gubler, I can only assume that Gubler is Archibald in another Language!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course onto Mallari and Zach, they continue to bless our lives with their bakery and goodies that they never seem to charge me for and I feel bad, but really like the food. then there is Eliza, she is the spitten image of me, just cute as can be and wise already, she studies things and then she screams when things don't go her way, just like me.

Korahle and Casey, were sealed in October, wow what a great thing that was, Grandma was certainly smiling on that day and so was I those kids have sure been blessed as they make it in this life walking by the spirit. Korahle is working hard to become my personal accountant, which after spending 8 hours on my own stuff today I am losing hair quickly over doing it myself.

The children I have been blessed with have done things this year that have brought personal happiness to them but has brought a pride and blessings to their old dad. I never understood what happiness really was , I am not sure I fully grasp it now, but I sure know that if this is the tip of the iceberg of eternal bliss sign me up. I am so proud of these kids and I really am grateful for their goodness ( I am not sure where they got it-probably mothers and the wonderful help of their youth leaders)

WAY TO GO KIDS YOU SHOULD BE PROUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BAGGAGE

(this is a boring one, you don't have to read it, this one is for me)

SOME TIME AGO I WROTE A POEM OF WHICH I WAS QUITE PROUD, IT WAS ONE OF MY FIRST AND THE JIST OF IT STILL LINGERS WITH ME, (I CANT FIND WHERE I WROTE IT)

THE MAIN THEME WAS THAT WE ALL CARRY SOME SORT OF BAGGAGE IN LIFE, IT IS BOUND TO BE THERE AND IT IS TAKEN CARE OF OR LOOKS LIKE

LINUS HIS DUST AND BLANKET, OR WAS THAT PIG PEN?

I, HAVE DECIDED TO KEEP MY BAGGAGE TO A MINIMUM AND TO KEEP IT TIDY AND NEAT, THAT HASN'T ALWAYS BEEN EASY NOR IS IT DONE. CONTINUAL TRYING IS IMPORTANT, THERE COMES A TIME THAT EACH OF US REALIZE WE HAVE A BAG THAT GOT BURIED IN THE BUNCH, A BAG WE DON'T NEED NOR WANT BUT JUST THE SAME THERE IT IS, AND IT JUMPS OUT LIKE A SORE THUMB. THIS PREDICAMENT CAME GLARING TO ME ONE NIGHT, AND BROUGHT THE BAGGAGE OUT AND THE TRAIL OF DIRTY LAUNDRY STRINGING OUT OF IT LIKE A BAG THAT TSA WENT THROUGH!

I REALIZE THAT THIS SITUATION MUST BE DEALT WITH TO CLEAN UP MY LAUNDRY, MY BAGGAGE AND MOVE ON WITH PRIDE. NOW MIND YOU MY BAGGAGE IS NOT GUCCI, NOR IS IT ANY OF THE FANCY STUFF YOU GET AT HIGH DOLLAR SPORTS SHOPS OR DEPARTMENT STORES, I IMAGINE IN THIS PARALLEL WORLD MY BAGGAGE TO BE AMERICAN TOURISTOR, IF NOT A GOOD TAKE OFF SOLD AT WAL-MART.

TO DEAL WITH POOR LUGGAGE THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO HANDLE THIS, DO NOT RECYCLE, DO NOT THRIFT STORE THIS IT MUST BE EXPOSED DELOUSED AND BURNED, IN OTHER WORDS, FIGURE IT OUT, DECIPHER AND CORRECT AND THEN MOVE ON WITH LIFE. THIS PROCESS CAN TAKE ANYWHERE FROM A SECOND TO ETERNITY TO ACCOMPLISH. AND IT IS ONLY DELAYED BY DISCOURAGEMENT.

***************MY DEMONS****************

THIS PARTICULAR BAGGAGE HAD A DEMON IN IT, i HAD TO GO RIGHT TO THE HEART, BUT FIRST ANY ENEMY MUST BE UNDERSTOOD, SEE TO CONQUER IS MORE THAN JUST TO KILL, YOU HAVE TO STUDY, UNDERSTAND, AND THEN STRATEGICALLY PLAN HOW TO CONTROL, AND IF NECESSARY KILL THAT DEMON, THIS WAS DONE!

-I UNDERSTAND THIS DEMON, NOT WHY HE BECAME BUT WHAT DRIVES HIM

-I ACCEPT HE IS THERE, BUT I DIDN'T ASK FOR HIM

- I KNOW THE REACTIONS THAT I HAVE HAD TO HIM

-I KNOW THE FALLOUT FROM THE FEAR OF HIM WITH MY WORLD

-THIS DEMON HAS CAUSE ENOUGH FEAR AND CONTROL IN MY LIFE WITHOUT ME KNOWING IT THAT HE MUST BE SLAIN, IT IS TIME

(THIS IS THE PART THAT TAKES TIME, BUT IT IS WORTH THE FREEDOM WHEN DONE)

see this demon is one that leaves me with little recourse because of the nature of it, sometimes we have no recourse to fix the damage he did to our village, and so we have to rid him from the land and move on with love and passion of life never let him dictate our moves, nor place fear in us, fear is warranted when he is there but when he is not we can rid ourselves of that fear.

A SUMMER TO REMEMBER

again i have found myself not taking the time to write a bit of my thoughts and my adventures. i have had a summer of letting a bit of myself be spontaneous and adventurous, i have let myself listen to my heart, and my random and compulsive thoughts and actions.

though summer still is holding on and every degree of the 100 degree weather i am more than thankful for i thought it would be good to share some of my summer. the home whispering pines had done as my home but then we sold as a spec was finished and closed after grueling and countless hours of finish time, it turned out very much as my dream had shared with me it should, it was a warm, and inviting home that i just loved. we entered into negotiations for another home with a potential buyer and those negotiations continue but we have designed another home with suggestions form the homeowner and call that one the "north forest cabin". (i am so good at coming up with these cool names , hahahah)

a blessing has come to me in the form of a repreve, i will not be going to iraq with the battalion this winter, (which i was looking forward to the warmer temps in the winter) but i am able to stay home and not be eligable for recal until 2009, this is good i need to make sure that i am financially stable before going again.

i have hiked this summer,places like logan canyon, the applachians, the cumberland trail, cool places that i wanted to see, i have met cool and interesting people, rafted the snake river, fished and so far caught nothing, taught caneoing merit badge at scout camp (that was fun), learned to indain wistle with my hands, and if i wasnt as mighty as i am i would have jumped form a plane, but i will travelk to a lower altitude where us mighty men can be carried by a parachute.

i lost some luggage (baggage) that was slowing me down (TYG) and have spent many hours reducing the clutter of life. see it is when i listen to the inside of me that the outside of me shows it. the quieter i am the more i hear, the more i understand, and the more i want to be part of life with others.

all of this is again topped by the coolness of being a grandpa, life will forever be a blessing each day and each year no matter the outcome, i have been given till the day i die to get this right, and then some. see there was a time i wanted to catch the biggest fish, climb the highest mountain and see the coolest things, everytime i do things with my kids and family i feel like i have conquered those things.

thank you god (TYG)

miracle worker

so once in a while I find myself in a position of great humility, and one that will leave me speechless, today is such a day, I am here in Boise and going to participate in the blessing of my first grand daughter, but it is something that takes your breath away and your thoughts when you look at your grandchild and see your child in her, thinking about that deeply, I have little to say, nor can I feel that I am indeed blessed for being a part of all this family thing in some small way some years ago.

John Deere tractor repair man

so a couple days ago on the home construction I had the luck I always do and got my new little excavator stuck, dang it!!!!!!!

I seem to have a tendency to find the muddiest bog holes and see if I can get in and out of them, I don't ever remember getting out easy, so while doing this I turned it sharply and made the rubber track fall off-------------oooooooopppppsssssss, now I feel like I am pretty handy, and can fix most anything after all some of the mechanics I have met are ,,,,, ok at this point I will say smarter than me. I spent 2 hours the first day working on this, my guys spent 3 hours the next day, which is a total of 9 man hours, then today I spent 4 more hours with the help of 4 guys for another hour. so all together that is a grand total of da da da da da dum 19 manhours, which at today's rate is about a whoppin total of 600 dollars, hmmmm maybe I should have called the service company I was so desperately trying to save money by not doing.

HERE IS THE TRUTH OF FIXING A TRACK

this morning I back off a bolt and grease comes squirting out, oh no that cant be right, so I take out a set screw and start tying to move a tension spring, that is not right, but to take the set screw out I had to drill it out, (didn't drill it straight and ruined it)

Then I took off a roller which must be casing the tension, that didn't help a bit, opened the rear drive box, no luck, said many words under my breath of a different language, and thought of giving up and burying the excavator.

ok so I bought a few parts too, here is the tally

bought a wide mouth crescent wrench, needed a 1 1/2 inch wrench, (never worked)

31.99

bought a screw extractor kit for the set screw, which just ruined it

15.99

bought 2 easy out screw removers, (neither fit)

10.50

had to buy a tap to fix the set screw, and a drill bit for it

25.95

and all of this during 3 trips to town, 20 miles each time so mileage at least of

24.00

that totals to a whoppin 108.43

and none of that worked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so I finally got a call back from John Deere and they were reading to me how to loosen the track, he said "allowing the grease to bleed from the bolt will relieve the pressure and pumping it up with grease will tighten it" "shall I fax this to you?" why of course, the entire time I was on the right track when I loosened the bolt and grease was coming out, hmmm, from the phone call to the time the track was on was less that 2 minutes, I bought new grease 4.79 greased it and had it running in another few minutes. A TOTAL OF 15 MINUTES WOULD HAVE DONE THE WHOLE JOB AND ONLY GREASE TO PAY FOR! SO MY COST

$708.43, AND A LESSON AGAIN IN READ THE MANUAL FIRST, GOOD NEWS IS AT THE END OF THE DAY TODAY i KNOCKED THE OTHER TRACK OFF AND IN THE MORNING i AM GOING TO PUT IT BACK ON IN 15 MINUTES, i HOPE.

procastinationator, psuedo-busy, poor time manager

Here it is nearly spring, my life has been a constant barage of note worthy yet forgetful and to learn from events this winter. I would have to break things up into a couple of catgories, the good, the bad and of course the ugly

first I want to start with the good

- one good thing that has happened is I have become a grandfather, and to my delight. of course I did nothing more than to produce good children which in turn are doing the same, but to experience that feeling again, the one while waiting (though this time outside the room) and to hear the first cry, life a new person, a spirit, a personality and if only least of her attributes my grand daughter, I felt blessed again, once again it was needful of the world to cease to revolve around any other families, for the focus to come only unto mine and my own, selfish and arrogant as that sounds, it is indeed a reality I had no other worried, no thoughts of business, no concerns of timelines, just the sweet blessed satisfaction and humility of exeriencing a miracle of birth (of course this blog issue will have continual updates)
- next the home project I had put my efforts on for mo0st of the summer had finally come to blossom, and has gone from a miserable winter project to a miserable muddy spring project with the home resting comfortably under contract for sale and a number of interested parties speaking of similar construction in the future.
-as always the kids lie in here, each of them making accomplishments as thier life grows and ages, an eagle scout project is completed, a piano recital where my daughter has gone from the new kid who could barely play to the oldest and most talented at the recital, the older ones making adult decisions and facing adult consequences in proper manners, and the youngest setting new world records in fish catching and fish story telling.
-one other good thing I have had good help this winter as I have struggled, well I must say that to have help is good, of course having some of the stalworths are what keeps us alive and thankful, the others, I will continue to sift for the good.


The Bad:

I decided when trying to tell the bad that a balance should happen here, good bad and ugly, so here goes to creating balance.

-remember those great employees, well I feel like I have become a helping center for those needing a stopover point in magical changes in thier lives. One such employee decided to try his hand at equipment operation and as a lead in for that had protrayed himself as a good operator, during busy times I of course let all men do thier job and do not micro manage them, after a couple times noticing the equipment operating in fashions I am not familiar with such as from its side, and smashed into a tree, I questioned my employee and asked if he had something against me, knowing that eventually the piper would have to be paid I am now in negotiations to purchase some damaged equipment rather than incur a dead end expense of rent and repair. Well to go on would be complaining, and I dont want that label.
-when we have not mastered our habits we lie somewhere in between, and some habits of others can be harmful, as was the case with my two anxious and industrious helpers this winter. I wonder if they had placed all of thier energies into work where would they be today. I became suspicious when I bought some garage sale tools they brought to work for indeed garage sale prices which then made me question proior purchase from them for more expensive items. Indeed these two had life and the world by the tail, new snow machines they rented, new 4 wheelers thier cousing lent them and enough money to go around. I left town to go to puchase items for the project and notices my business debit card misssing, looking into the matter I found that my card was good to be used for fast food also, 130 bucks worth, I went to the most recent place of use and they did identify my employees as the thiefs, they had betrayed me. I fired them, I let them go, with remorse, they were good employees. the best helpers I had had in a while, but seemed tired all the time. A couple days later they were arrested and connected to nearly all of the unsolved buglaries in the valley, how do I find these high quality employees.
i find myself here thinking of all the bad things, I have to keep a balance, just somewhat equitable. my thoughts think of a long list, but I will keep it to one more in the "bad".

I found myself requiring surgery, nothing bad, shouldnt hurt too much, but when do I have time, I could add to the good list that the Veterans Admin, has paid for all of this, and the doc informed me of the new recovery of a week. wow, that works, my carpenter needs a week off, I need a week to clear my mind and get fixed and we have some labor items that can be done. DID NOT HAPPEN , the surgery did not end up laproscopic for whatever reason, (still dont have great answers on that one) so I am cut open, hurt like crazy and cannot maintain oxygen in my system, hmmm, so for the first time I spent life in a hospital overnite, and cant remember anything but I had milkshakes with every meal.

ok as i said i could go on and on but balance



THE UGLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The ugly, though about this all afternnon while composing this, here is the truth about the ugly,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, the ugly is that during this winter I spent time dwelling on the bad to limit me from some oppurtunities to experience more good, my good list can go on and on, too often we overlook the good and dwell on that bad. I have indeed had a long list of ugly and bad the past year, but lets just focus, my health is good, my kids are good, I have a healthy grandbaby, I have been able to live my dream of building a home I have wanted to do, has not been a perfect dream but some things came out even better. The ugly in us sometimes does not see all the good, and let me say that for all the bad if I only had one of the good, it still would be a good life. well again ramblings and hope to do more soon.

"LUMBER JACKS AND CHRISTMAS TREE HUNTER"

IT IS THE TIME OF YEAR AGAIN WHEN WE TRADITIONALLY GO, TRACK, PURSUE AND SNEAK UP ON THE EVER ELUSIVE CHRISTMAS TREE.

IT IS A TRADITION TO FIND A FRESH AND WONDERFUL TREE, AS WE APPRECIATE THE SACRAFICES AND WONDER EACH TREE GIVES IN ITS LIFE, WE APPRECIATE THE CHUCK (CHARLIE FOR THOSE WHO DONT KNOW HIM LIKE I DO) BROWN TREES, ONE OF MY FAVORITE BOOkS IS "THE LITTLE CHRISTAMAS TREE".

I HAVE DONE THIS TRADITION SINCE I WAS A YOUNG MAN AND HAVE HAD GREAT AND POOR SUCCESS, ALWAYS BAGGING MY TREE, COMING HOME WITH A PRIZE.

IN THE PAST I HAVE SPENT HOURS LOOKING FOR THAT SPECIAL TREE, I HAVE COMPARED COUNTLESS TREES FOR THAT ONE THAT WILL FILL THE PLACE IN MY HEART THAT TREES GO AND WARM ME. THIS YEAR, WE WERE PRESSED FOR TIME, HAVING ARRIVED HOME AT 3 IN THE AFTERNOON ON SATURDAY IT LEFT US WITH LITTLE LIGHT AND TIME, WE LOADED THE 4 WHEELERS QUICKLY AND PROCEEDED TO THE GAS STATION(OF COURSE WHEN I AM IN A HURRY THEY ARE OUT OF GAS).

IT IS ABOUT DUSK WHEN WE ARRIVE IN THE FOREST, EXCITED AND FILLED WITH THE ANTICIPATION OF THE HUNT WE PARK THE TRUCK, UNLOAD AND HEAD INTO THE WILD WILDERNESS, BRAVING THE DANGERS OF THE UNTAMED MOUNTAINS.

PROCEEDING ALONG THE ROAD, WE TAKE TOTHE WOODS ON ROADS AND TRAILS THAT HAD NOT BEEN TRAVELED, YOU KNOW THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED AND KNOWING THAT A PRIZE LIE AHEAD.

LOOKING QUICKLY AT A FEW AS I PASSED I COULD NOT IGNORE THE LIGHTS SHINING ON A TREE FROM THE HEAVENS, THE CLOUDS PARTED, ANGLES WERE CAUGHT UP IN ANGELIC WHIMSICAL TUNES AND THE HARPS WERE PLAYING A HYPNOTIC TUNE AS I GAZED UPON PERFECTION................................MY TREE.

MY EXCITEMENT TOOK OVER, ONLY 15 MINUTES INTO THE HUNT AND I HAD BEEN BLESSED, I APPROACHED THE TREE WITH CAUTION, MAKING SURE THAT I WAS READY TO DEFEND AND PURSUE THE CAPTURE WITH THE NEW RANCHER 550 HUSQUAVARNA 20" CHAIN SAW.

AS BRYCE AND I APPROACHED MAKAYLA, MALLARI AND ZACH LOOKED ON (mal and zach had come along as expert guides, they had bagged a quite impressive one earlier) WITH SPARKLES IN THIER EYES, THEY COULD FEEL THE WARMTH THAT THIS TREE WILL BRING TO OUR HUMBLE CONDO THIS SEASON.

QUICKLY WITH THE SPEED OF A ZEPHYR I PULLED THE STARTING CORD OF THE SAW, AND NOTHING, PULLED IT AGAIN, NOTHING, THEN PULLED ONE MORE THE SAW LEAPED INTO ACTION WITH A MIND OF ITS OWN, HOVERING ABOVE ME AS IF TO SAY "I WILL SAVE YOU " THE SAW WITH EASE CUT THROUGH THE 3 INCH TRUNK OF THE TREE, WE HAD BAGGED OUR TREE.

AFTER DRAGGING OUR TREE TO THE 4 WHEELERS, AND TIRING OURSELVES OUT FROM THAT 10 FOOT WALK WE TIED THE TREE BEHIND AND PROCEEDED TO EXIT THE UNTAMED AND DANGER OF "THE WOODS OF GROVER PARK"

AS YOU CAN TELL FROM THE PHOTOS, I AM VERY PROUD

"respondant----defendant---accused----loser"

the court system in small town,( ride in on a pony judge) has become a mockery of what the definition of justice is.

obvious as i make it i lost my last go around with the judge, not too proud of my actions in court either, I need to find that fear again that renders me respectful and beholding to the postition of "your honor"

spending a time in my life attending court and being part of the system i have had the chance to see proper procedures, and protocol for a court room, i have seen justice, BUT THIS TIME,

i witnessed lies, perjury, ingnorance, and anger, mine, hers, and the judges, so the question is what can be done to ensure fairness and equity.

i dont have the answers, but i am reminded of the instruction to turn the other cheek, i know that i cannot be totally innocent of everything, heck i was in there, but i do know that the real test will be how to handle, and respond, with dignity or with anger. i must say that i have found a mix of dignity and anger, and they do not do well together, but i will find the way to resolve and put to rest all of this with the dignity it deserves, strike that, with the dignity i need to possess.

i do get to smile about all of my legal woes, and i do feel good about my actions, however i need to have a lawyer speaking for me, i say too much with the passion i feel in court and we all know that there is no place for personal passion in court.

i share this blog so it reminds me that not all in my life is roses, or funny or at all going my way, but that i appreciate it when it does.

"4wheelin, mud boggin kind of dude"

oh the joy and passion of the hunt, the last weekend of the hunt was this weekend, the kids got in from utah late we made the plan and got up early, fresh snow with a misty rain greeted us, oh the excitement, we will find their track and get em, yahoo.

we set out on our journey arriving on time to watch for elk as they go into the woods, and nothing, but I knew that it was a matter of time, we needed to get to the spots no one else has gone. as we moved into a canyon on a road that had not been traveled, we came to a spring, it looked tough but others had been through before,I could tell because they had put logs and rocks in it to dig their vehicle out and make it stable to drive (1st clue), we decided at the last,,,,,,,,,,,,oops not the last moment not to go into it, my wheels had gone over the edge too far and I could not back up, so we decided to go down the canyon, though the road looked like only a 4 wheeler trail (2nd clue) so I hit the spring hard with all that the 24 valve turbo boosted dodge mega diesel mean and hot 4 wheelin machine could do, and we went right through it was pretty frozen, hmmmmm so we meandered our way down the canyon, again coming to another spring to cross, this time as wise as I had become I decided not to, though my daughter suggested we cross where it looked like others had crossed, I worried that we would not be able to come back across.

we turned in defeat and retreated to go the way we had come, we got back to the first spring, and it was suggested that a prayer be said, my youngest said the prayer asking that we get through the spring. so instead of going through where I had gone through earlier, I chose a new path where all of the logs were that had been used before, again a red flag should have popped up, it had become warmer, snow was melting and we were ready to hit it, so after the prayer I went to it, gritted my teeth and hit the spring, front tires in, front tires out, and bam,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, there we sat, front bumper air dam was on the ground, we had sunk the rear to the axle and put the frame of the truck on the bank. it was 9 am.

we got jacks and rocks and worked it and worked it, I chose a new language to speak several times, and the kids gave me the "this is quality time" and "I come 200 miles to get yelled at" look, well it worked, I finally had to laugh, we were going no where, we were stuck in fact to put it blunt

**we were in the middle of no where, on a road that no one should be traveling on in a quad cab long base truck with poor factory tires, trying to help pull the truck out with a 2000lb winch hooked to a 500 pound 4 wheeler and going no where**

i made the decision to go for help, I had a 4 wheeler, and enough food and things for a couple days for all of us if need be, I went several directions to the tip of the hills, no cell signal, so I knew I had to get out to a phone, I rode down the canyon the way we chose not to go, within a mile I was on a main dirt road and 4 miles the highway, ugh. I went to the little tavern motel at the idaho stateline, made some phone calls and help was on the way.

Mal and her husband showed up and one of my employees with my other work truck and chains, I knew getting in there over that 2nd spring may be tough and we may have to dig another truck out, the trucks drove right through them, we hooked a chain on my truck and shazam a mere 8 hours later we were out.

we saw no elk, we heard no elk and obviously we speak no elk, but we are mud boggin, 4 wheelin, jeepin dudes, who know a little better now, and we will wait till hunting next year to forget and do it again.