BAGGAGE

(this is a boring one, you don't have to read it, this one is for me)

SOME TIME AGO I WROTE A POEM OF WHICH I WAS QUITE PROUD, IT WAS ONE OF MY FIRST AND THE JIST OF IT STILL LINGERS WITH ME, (I CANT FIND WHERE I WROTE IT)

THE MAIN THEME WAS THAT WE ALL CARRY SOME SORT OF BAGGAGE IN LIFE, IT IS BOUND TO BE THERE AND IT IS TAKEN CARE OF OR LOOKS LIKE

LINUS HIS DUST AND BLANKET, OR WAS THAT PIG PEN?

I, HAVE DECIDED TO KEEP MY BAGGAGE TO A MINIMUM AND TO KEEP IT TIDY AND NEAT, THAT HASN'T ALWAYS BEEN EASY NOR IS IT DONE. CONTINUAL TRYING IS IMPORTANT, THERE COMES A TIME THAT EACH OF US REALIZE WE HAVE A BAG THAT GOT BURIED IN THE BUNCH, A BAG WE DON'T NEED NOR WANT BUT JUST THE SAME THERE IT IS, AND IT JUMPS OUT LIKE A SORE THUMB. THIS PREDICAMENT CAME GLARING TO ME ONE NIGHT, AND BROUGHT THE BAGGAGE OUT AND THE TRAIL OF DIRTY LAUNDRY STRINGING OUT OF IT LIKE A BAG THAT TSA WENT THROUGH!

I REALIZE THAT THIS SITUATION MUST BE DEALT WITH TO CLEAN UP MY LAUNDRY, MY BAGGAGE AND MOVE ON WITH PRIDE. NOW MIND YOU MY BAGGAGE IS NOT GUCCI, NOR IS IT ANY OF THE FANCY STUFF YOU GET AT HIGH DOLLAR SPORTS SHOPS OR DEPARTMENT STORES, I IMAGINE IN THIS PARALLEL WORLD MY BAGGAGE TO BE AMERICAN TOURISTOR, IF NOT A GOOD TAKE OFF SOLD AT WAL-MART.

TO DEAL WITH POOR LUGGAGE THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO HANDLE THIS, DO NOT RECYCLE, DO NOT THRIFT STORE THIS IT MUST BE EXPOSED DELOUSED AND BURNED, IN OTHER WORDS, FIGURE IT OUT, DECIPHER AND CORRECT AND THEN MOVE ON WITH LIFE. THIS PROCESS CAN TAKE ANYWHERE FROM A SECOND TO ETERNITY TO ACCOMPLISH. AND IT IS ONLY DELAYED BY DISCOURAGEMENT.

***************MY DEMONS****************

THIS PARTICULAR BAGGAGE HAD A DEMON IN IT, i HAD TO GO RIGHT TO THE HEART, BUT FIRST ANY ENEMY MUST BE UNDERSTOOD, SEE TO CONQUER IS MORE THAN JUST TO KILL, YOU HAVE TO STUDY, UNDERSTAND, AND THEN STRATEGICALLY PLAN HOW TO CONTROL, AND IF NECESSARY KILL THAT DEMON, THIS WAS DONE!

-I UNDERSTAND THIS DEMON, NOT WHY HE BECAME BUT WHAT DRIVES HIM

-I ACCEPT HE IS THERE, BUT I DIDN'T ASK FOR HIM

- I KNOW THE REACTIONS THAT I HAVE HAD TO HIM

-I KNOW THE FALLOUT FROM THE FEAR OF HIM WITH MY WORLD

-THIS DEMON HAS CAUSE ENOUGH FEAR AND CONTROL IN MY LIFE WITHOUT ME KNOWING IT THAT HE MUST BE SLAIN, IT IS TIME

(THIS IS THE PART THAT TAKES TIME, BUT IT IS WORTH THE FREEDOM WHEN DONE)

see this demon is one that leaves me with little recourse because of the nature of it, sometimes we have no recourse to fix the damage he did to our village, and so we have to rid him from the land and move on with love and passion of life never let him dictate our moves, nor place fear in us, fear is warranted when he is there but when he is not we can rid ourselves of that fear.

A SUMMER TO REMEMBER

again i have found myself not taking the time to write a bit of my thoughts and my adventures. i have had a summer of letting a bit of myself be spontaneous and adventurous, i have let myself listen to my heart, and my random and compulsive thoughts and actions.

though summer still is holding on and every degree of the 100 degree weather i am more than thankful for i thought it would be good to share some of my summer. the home whispering pines had done as my home but then we sold as a spec was finished and closed after grueling and countless hours of finish time, it turned out very much as my dream had shared with me it should, it was a warm, and inviting home that i just loved. we entered into negotiations for another home with a potential buyer and those negotiations continue but we have designed another home with suggestions form the homeowner and call that one the "north forest cabin". (i am so good at coming up with these cool names , hahahah)

a blessing has come to me in the form of a repreve, i will not be going to iraq with the battalion this winter, (which i was looking forward to the warmer temps in the winter) but i am able to stay home and not be eligable for recal until 2009, this is good i need to make sure that i am financially stable before going again.

i have hiked this summer,places like logan canyon, the applachians, the cumberland trail, cool places that i wanted to see, i have met cool and interesting people, rafted the snake river, fished and so far caught nothing, taught caneoing merit badge at scout camp (that was fun), learned to indain wistle with my hands, and if i wasnt as mighty as i am i would have jumped form a plane, but i will travelk to a lower altitude where us mighty men can be carried by a parachute.

i lost some luggage (baggage) that was slowing me down (TYG) and have spent many hours reducing the clutter of life. see it is when i listen to the inside of me that the outside of me shows it. the quieter i am the more i hear, the more i understand, and the more i want to be part of life with others.

all of this is again topped by the coolness of being a grandpa, life will forever be a blessing each day and each year no matter the outcome, i have been given till the day i die to get this right, and then some. see there was a time i wanted to catch the biggest fish, climb the highest mountain and see the coolest things, everytime i do things with my kids and family i feel like i have conquered those things.

thank you god (TYG)

miracle worker

so once in a while I find myself in a position of great humility, and one that will leave me speechless, today is such a day, I am here in Boise and going to participate in the blessing of my first grand daughter, but it is something that takes your breath away and your thoughts when you look at your grandchild and see your child in her, thinking about that deeply, I have little to say, nor can I feel that I am indeed blessed for being a part of all this family thing in some small way some years ago.

John Deere tractor repair man

so a couple days ago on the home construction I had the luck I always do and got my new little excavator stuck, dang it!!!!!!!

I seem to have a tendency to find the muddiest bog holes and see if I can get in and out of them, I don't ever remember getting out easy, so while doing this I turned it sharply and made the rubber track fall off-------------oooooooopppppsssssss, now I feel like I am pretty handy, and can fix most anything after all some of the mechanics I have met are ,,,,, ok at this point I will say smarter than me. I spent 2 hours the first day working on this, my guys spent 3 hours the next day, which is a total of 9 man hours, then today I spent 4 more hours with the help of 4 guys for another hour. so all together that is a grand total of da da da da da dum 19 manhours, which at today's rate is about a whoppin total of 600 dollars, hmmmm maybe I should have called the service company I was so desperately trying to save money by not doing.

HERE IS THE TRUTH OF FIXING A TRACK

this morning I back off a bolt and grease comes squirting out, oh no that cant be right, so I take out a set screw and start tying to move a tension spring, that is not right, but to take the set screw out I had to drill it out, (didn't drill it straight and ruined it)

Then I took off a roller which must be casing the tension, that didn't help a bit, opened the rear drive box, no luck, said many words under my breath of a different language, and thought of giving up and burying the excavator.

ok so I bought a few parts too, here is the tally

bought a wide mouth crescent wrench, needed a 1 1/2 inch wrench, (never worked)

31.99

bought a screw extractor kit for the set screw, which just ruined it

15.99

bought 2 easy out screw removers, (neither fit)

10.50

had to buy a tap to fix the set screw, and a drill bit for it

25.95

and all of this during 3 trips to town, 20 miles each time so mileage at least of

24.00

that totals to a whoppin 108.43

and none of that worked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so I finally got a call back from John Deere and they were reading to me how to loosen the track, he said "allowing the grease to bleed from the bolt will relieve the pressure and pumping it up with grease will tighten it" "shall I fax this to you?" why of course, the entire time I was on the right track when I loosened the bolt and grease was coming out, hmmm, from the phone call to the time the track was on was less that 2 minutes, I bought new grease 4.79 greased it and had it running in another few minutes. A TOTAL OF 15 MINUTES WOULD HAVE DONE THE WHOLE JOB AND ONLY GREASE TO PAY FOR! SO MY COST

$708.43, AND A LESSON AGAIN IN READ THE MANUAL FIRST, GOOD NEWS IS AT THE END OF THE DAY TODAY i KNOCKED THE OTHER TRACK OFF AND IN THE MORNING i AM GOING TO PUT IT BACK ON IN 15 MINUTES, i HOPE.

procastinationator, psuedo-busy, poor time manager

Here it is nearly spring, my life has been a constant barage of note worthy yet forgetful and to learn from events this winter. I would have to break things up into a couple of catgories, the good, the bad and of course the ugly

first I want to start with the good

- one good thing that has happened is I have become a grandfather, and to my delight. of course I did nothing more than to produce good children which in turn are doing the same, but to experience that feeling again, the one while waiting (though this time outside the room) and to hear the first cry, life a new person, a spirit, a personality and if only least of her attributes my grand daughter, I felt blessed again, once again it was needful of the world to cease to revolve around any other families, for the focus to come only unto mine and my own, selfish and arrogant as that sounds, it is indeed a reality I had no other worried, no thoughts of business, no concerns of timelines, just the sweet blessed satisfaction and humility of exeriencing a miracle of birth (of course this blog issue will have continual updates)
- next the home project I had put my efforts on for mo0st of the summer had finally come to blossom, and has gone from a miserable winter project to a miserable muddy spring project with the home resting comfortably under contract for sale and a number of interested parties speaking of similar construction in the future.
-as always the kids lie in here, each of them making accomplishments as thier life grows and ages, an eagle scout project is completed, a piano recital where my daughter has gone from the new kid who could barely play to the oldest and most talented at the recital, the older ones making adult decisions and facing adult consequences in proper manners, and the youngest setting new world records in fish catching and fish story telling.
-one other good thing I have had good help this winter as I have struggled, well I must say that to have help is good, of course having some of the stalworths are what keeps us alive and thankful, the others, I will continue to sift for the good.


The Bad:

I decided when trying to tell the bad that a balance should happen here, good bad and ugly, so here goes to creating balance.

-remember those great employees, well I feel like I have become a helping center for those needing a stopover point in magical changes in thier lives. One such employee decided to try his hand at equipment operation and as a lead in for that had protrayed himself as a good operator, during busy times I of course let all men do thier job and do not micro manage them, after a couple times noticing the equipment operating in fashions I am not familiar with such as from its side, and smashed into a tree, I questioned my employee and asked if he had something against me, knowing that eventually the piper would have to be paid I am now in negotiations to purchase some damaged equipment rather than incur a dead end expense of rent and repair. Well to go on would be complaining, and I dont want that label.
-when we have not mastered our habits we lie somewhere in between, and some habits of others can be harmful, as was the case with my two anxious and industrious helpers this winter. I wonder if they had placed all of thier energies into work where would they be today. I became suspicious when I bought some garage sale tools they brought to work for indeed garage sale prices which then made me question proior purchase from them for more expensive items. Indeed these two had life and the world by the tail, new snow machines they rented, new 4 wheelers thier cousing lent them and enough money to go around. I left town to go to puchase items for the project and notices my business debit card misssing, looking into the matter I found that my card was good to be used for fast food also, 130 bucks worth, I went to the most recent place of use and they did identify my employees as the thiefs, they had betrayed me. I fired them, I let them go, with remorse, they were good employees. the best helpers I had had in a while, but seemed tired all the time. A couple days later they were arrested and connected to nearly all of the unsolved buglaries in the valley, how do I find these high quality employees.
i find myself here thinking of all the bad things, I have to keep a balance, just somewhat equitable. my thoughts think of a long list, but I will keep it to one more in the "bad".

I found myself requiring surgery, nothing bad, shouldnt hurt too much, but when do I have time, I could add to the good list that the Veterans Admin, has paid for all of this, and the doc informed me of the new recovery of a week. wow, that works, my carpenter needs a week off, I need a week to clear my mind and get fixed and we have some labor items that can be done. DID NOT HAPPEN , the surgery did not end up laproscopic for whatever reason, (still dont have great answers on that one) so I am cut open, hurt like crazy and cannot maintain oxygen in my system, hmmm, so for the first time I spent life in a hospital overnite, and cant remember anything but I had milkshakes with every meal.

ok as i said i could go on and on but balance



THE UGLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The ugly, though about this all afternnon while composing this, here is the truth about the ugly,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, the ugly is that during this winter I spent time dwelling on the bad to limit me from some oppurtunities to experience more good, my good list can go on and on, too often we overlook the good and dwell on that bad. I have indeed had a long list of ugly and bad the past year, but lets just focus, my health is good, my kids are good, I have a healthy grandbaby, I have been able to live my dream of building a home I have wanted to do, has not been a perfect dream but some things came out even better. The ugly in us sometimes does not see all the good, and let me say that for all the bad if I only had one of the good, it still would be a good life. well again ramblings and hope to do more soon.